just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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