Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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