The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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