some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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