Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
