Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
