Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
