you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
