Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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