I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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