i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Randomize
