I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
