I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
