i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
