she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
