I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
