guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
