worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
