we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
