She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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