I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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