How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
