Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
