so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
