You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
