thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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