You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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