I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
