I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
