I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
