its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
