NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
