Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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