Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
