If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
