In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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