my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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