He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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