she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
