Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
