Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
