I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
