also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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