we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
