M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
