dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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