Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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