I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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