I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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