he shaved USA in his pubs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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