Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
