When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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