His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
