remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
