Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
