take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ttyl tear gas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
