dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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