Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
