you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize