I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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