just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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