This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
