my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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