You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
