I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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