dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
