I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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