im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
