I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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