no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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