what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
