Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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