So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
