Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize