I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
