It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
