apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
